"Oh, Grow Up"

Ephesians 4:1-16
James McTyre
Lake Hills Presbyterian Church
Sunday, August 6, 2006

“We must no longer be children…”

When it comes to growing up, the Bible gives us a challenging diversity. On one hand, you have the Apostle Paul, who said, “We must no longer be children…. We must grow up in every way.”

And on the other hand, you have passages like Matthew 18.

…the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” He called a child, whom he put among them, and said, “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”

Should we grow up, or should we grow down? Is Paul right? Or is Jesus? Should we listen more to the Children’s Sermon, or the grown-up sermon? Since both Paul and Jesus are in the Bible, the easy answer would be to say they’re both right, and if you think too hard about it you’ll just give yourself a headache.

“Oh, grow up.” But what, in the biblical sense, does that mean? Does it mean growing jowls and looking like a bulldog with a bad attitude? Or does it mean learning to skip and frolic, no matter what your circumstances? It’s a lot easier to command other people to grow up than to do it yourself. Especially when the Bible gives us these two, conflicting pictures of spiritual maturity. “Oh, grow up,” is a lot easier said than done.


“Oh, get a life.” Where Paul and Jesus would, and do agree is that both of them are talking about life. Both Paul and Jesus are talking about life, not lifestyle. We know a lot more about lifestyle than about life. Our culture is obsessed with lifestyle, as opposed to life. Lifestyle is what we choose. Lifestyle is what we buy. Lifestyle is how we dress, what we eat, and how we behave in relationships. We’re free to cultivate an adult lifestyle, or we can live the lifestyle of children, or the lifestyle of teenagers, or for fans of the movie, “Animal House,” the lifestyle of perpetual college freshmen. Do you remember John Belushi’s classic response to finding out he’d been expelled? “Seven years of college, down the drain.” Back when the movie was made, the line was funnier, because students were expected to graduate, or at least move on to a second degree, in somewhat less than seven years.

If you only read what Jesus said about becoming like a child, to the exclusion of what Paul said about becoming an adult, you might sound as if you were singing the song from “Peter Pan” – “I Won’t Grow Up.” You may remember Mary Martin singing it, or maybe Cathy Rigby. It’s usually sung by a woman, pretending to be a boy, trying not to be a man. Yet another illustration of lifestyle confusion.

I won't grow up.
I don't wanna wear a tie,
Or a serious expression
In the middle of July.
'Cause growing up is awfuler
Than all the awful things that ever were.
I won't grow up, never grow up.
Not me.

Oh, if only our days could be filled with leaping and running through Neverland, riding on giraffes and playing with our pet monkeys. Wait, that’s Michael Jackson. Bad example. Actually, it’s a very good example of the tragedy of an adult trying too hard to be like a child. It’s a lifestyle based on the fantasy that we won’t grow up. It can’t be what Jesus had in mind.

It’s crucially important to the Spirit of God that we not confuse our lifestyle with our life. Just because you can afford a lifestyle doesn’t mean you have a life. You might be able to imitate the lifestyles of the rich and famous. But it’s still just an imitation. Jesus doesn’t call us to imitation lives; he calls us to live – richly and authentically. But people who live their lives richly and authentically don’t often make the cover of People magazine. Authentic lives don’t get too much press. It’s kind of hard to even know what one looks like. “Oh, get a life,” is a lot easier said than done.


“Oh, grow up.” Paul pleads with the Ephesians to live a life worthy of their calling. Paul doesn’t hesitate for even a second to tell them how a grown-up life looks. It’s a life marked by humility, by gentleness, by patience. The grown-up life is one in which people bear with one another in love. In a grown-up life people make every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit. A grown-up life does all it can to keep a bond of peace.

Humility, gentleness, patience. Love, unity, peace. These are the hallmarks of Christian adulthood. But humility, gentleness, patience, love, unity and peace are also concepts children can grasp. Maybe children can grasp them more purely than a lot of adults. Adults tend to complicate these qualities, and put conditions on them. “I will love you and be gentle to you IF…” “I will show humility and patience IF…” Paul puts no conditions on these qualities and neither should we. Not if we want to be truly grown up in Christ.

We’re always asking kids, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” As if they can’t “be” something until they get a job. No. It’s hard to have a lifestyle if you don’t have a job. Unless you’re going for “slacker.” In which case having a job just messes up your lifestyle. From Paul’s point of view, “What do you want to be,” is the wrong question. “Whom do you want to be when you grow up? Or “Whose do you want to be when you grow up?” – These are the questions we ought to be asking our children, and ourselves. At any age. What is the point of your growing up? Is it to gratify your every desire? That’s the point for most two year-olds. And it’s not worthy of the calling to which we have been called. Your occupation isn’t the same as your vocation. Job or jobless, rich or poor, able to work or disabled, you are given a vocation by God. And you only begin to learn what that calling is when you have humility, gentleness, patience, love, unity and peace. This is the roadmap to adulthood. They may not get you on the cover of People, but they will make you a person. A human being, rich and authentic in Jesus Christ.

So, maybe – as Paul wrote – you’re an apostle. Maybe you’re a prophet or an evangelist. Maybe you’re a teacher. Maybe you’re a domestic engineer. Or maybe you’re a civil engineer. Or a doctor. Or a fireman. Or maybe your biggest challenge each day is moving your arms and legs enough to roll out of bed. Whatever your occupation, its purpose is to train you for your vocation, your true calling. Whatever we do from 9 to 5 or from 5 to 9, the point is that we grow up, as Paul says, “until all of us come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to maturity, and to the full stature of Christ.” “Speaking the truth in love,” he says, “we must grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ.” Not “what,” but “whom” do you want to be when you grow up? Regardless of size or age, do you want to have the stature of Christ? If so, then you’re well on your way to growing up. And you can start growing up as soon as you can live with humility, gentleness, patience, love, unity and peace. And if you mess those up, or if you forget what they look like, you can always take two giant steps back, like a little child, and start growing up again. If you see someone near you forgetting what those qualities look like, you can help them find their way again.

Unlike the gurus of self-development, Paul’s not really interested in whether you’re self-actualized, whether you’re living up to your personal potential. Paul doesn’t care if you’ve maximized your earning power. Those are lifestyle issues. And neither Paul nor Jesus give two hoots about lifestyle. The Bible is focused on life, regardless of your particular style or lack thereof. Paul isn’t writing to an individual. Paul is writing to people. Paul isn’t writing to church members. Paul is writing to a church. In the end, the goal isn’t even your personal growing up in the body of Christ, although that’s a step along the way. In the end, the goal of all Paul is writing about is the growing up – not of you, or you, or you – Paul is writing about the growing up of the church.

He writes for people of all ages, and he writes for all the ages saying, “There is one body and one Spirit, just as you (you ALL) were called to the one hope of your calling, one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is above all and through all and in all. When the church grows up, when the church practices – when the church shares – humility, gentleness, patience, love, unity and peace – when it’s not just you being kind or someone else being patient, but when all of us, working together build a place of these qualities, a place OF quality, then – and only then – are we really, truly growing up into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by every ligament… [with] each part…working properly, promot[ing] the body's growth in building itself up in love. Only then are we approaching what Paul, and Jesus, and God have in mind for us.

“Oh, grow up,” isn’t just something you say to someone who’s acting immature. It’s also a prayer. It’s Paul’s prayer, it’s God’s prayer for us. “Oh, get a life,” isn’t just something you say to someone wasting their time. It’s also a prayer. It’s Paul’s prayer, it’s God’s prayer that we will grow up into the life of Jesus Christ, that we will grow to his stature, that we will live – richly and authentically – with each other, and with God.