Relationships

2012-02-03
Holey, Wholly, Holy - Relationships

Phi 2:1-6
1 Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like- minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
6 Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
(NIV)

Phi 4:4-8
4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again:Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
(NIV)

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So, the current message series is called, "Holey, Wholly, Holy," - note the different spellings - and it's about how we can move - yes, we can - from being a hol-ey mess to being more whole in our lives, and even to approach the holiness of God.

Today we're talking about relationships.

[pause]

OK. I know that simply by saying, "Relationships," I've lost 50% of you.

There are two kinds of people in the world.
Those who like talking about relationships...
and those who are men.

Those who enjoy taking magazine relationship quizzes...
and the men who fail them.

I know even bringing up the subject of relationships makes a lot of guys start looking for the exits.
"Maybe I can fake a coughing fit."
"Maybe I can fake a heart attack."
"Maybe I can have a heart attack."

Hang with me, guys. I understand. We're sort of chromosomally challenged. Especially on Super Bowl Sunday. When even the Harbaugh Brothers try to forget they're related.

I don't want to stereotype. Even when it's true. The truth is nobody - man, woman or child - nobody is as relationship smart, or relationship comfortable, or as relationship savvy as we want to be. Nobody - man, woman, or (God help you) teenager - is as talented, or as charismatic, or charming as we wish, or even as we think. Nobody gets 100% at relationships.

And maybe you're fine with that. Maybe you don't like people in general and, you're good. Even so, hang in there for a few minutes because maybe this'll help you figure out why everybody else is so annoying. Especially the people who like talking about relationships.

The truth is, relationship discussions are not - are not - the exclusive domain of women's magazines and Dr. Phil. In point of fact, the Bible - yes, the Bible - is filled with stuff about relationships. ("Oh, great. Another reason not to come to church.") Really, when you think about it, the Bible is about nothing BUT relationships. Relationships with your spouse. Relationships with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Relationships with your friends. Relationships with the people you don't like. Relationships with the people you downright hate.

But, most of all, most important, the Bible's about relationships with God. Through Jesus. In the Holy Spirit. Trinity of Father, Son, and Spirit: God IS a relationship.

Man, woman, teenager, or child - if you read the Bible, there's no escaping it. God is all about relationships. The Bible is about all our relationships. So those of you who like that, great. Those of you who don't, take a deep breath, and hang on.

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The Bible is about relationships. From start to finish.

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. You can't have one without the other. Perfect, cosmic relationship. And then it goes straight downhill.

God created a man and a woman who didn't have the best relationship at all. She kept trying to get him to eat stuff he'd never tried before. He just wanted to be fruitful and multiply. They got evicted from their home for not paying the landlord his due, and had to leave town. They had beautiful baby boys. John and Jim. No, Cain and Able. And one of them grew up to murder the other, just because he was able.

The Bible starts with relationships, is about relationships. But if you read the Bible looking for examples of healthy, Christian relationships, you find that - for the most part - it starts out bad and it doesn't get any better.

That doesn't mean God gives up. God intervenes. God makes a covenant - a MARRIAGE covenant - with the people. And that lasts about as long as it takes to build a golden calf.

Even the bright spots, even, say, King David isn't much brighter. He's a great warrior king. He's also a philanderer and a murderer. His son, King Solomon is the wisest man in the world. But he's also an arms dealer, a womanizer, a sorry failure in [wait for it] relationships.

If you're not comfortable talking about relationships there's good reason. The Bible - even the Bible - has way more examples of bad ones than good ones. Good relationships are hard to come by.

Relationships are hard.

So, what does the Bible say? What does God do?

After century after century of bad and broken relationships, God finally sends the Only Son, Jesus Christ, to teach people, to show people, to live so people can see what good relationships are all about. And the people think this is so great. And as soon as they finish praising him and worshipping him, they arrest him, and torture him, and betray him, and leave him on a cross to die.

Yes, the Bible's filled with stories of relationships.
But not so many good ones.
If you're looking for a long list of examples of what NOT to do in your relationships, don't buy a supermarket tabloid. Just steal a Bible from the pew. Start with Genesis and keep right on reading. Us Weekly pales in comparison. The Bible's filled with examples of what not to do.

In fact, that's why a lot of people don't like the Bible (and church) in the first place. They think it's just a big list of things not to do, especially in relationships.

Don't drink, or smoke, or dance, or chew.
Don't go out with boys that do.
Don't, don't, don't, sayeth the Lord.

Well, you can look around and see how well all those "Don'ts" have worked. Not so well.

So, God switches to Plan B.

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Plan B. The anti-don't to bad relationships.

Now, don't get me wrong. Don'ts are great technology. I'm a dad, so I'm always going to keep a ready supply of them. Don'ts are really good for short term safety.
"Don't stick your fingers in the light socket."
"Don't drink the stuff under the sink."
Don'ts are really good when you're afraid for someone.
Don'ts are really good for when you don't have the time or the words to explain why-not. Or when the person you're don'ting can't handle a long explanation.

Don'ts work. But, every don't has its limitations.

Anyone see the movie, "Inception," about planting ideas in people's heads? If you saw the movie, you heard Leo DeCaprio explain this.

Don't think about a white bear.
What's the first thing you thought about? A white bear.

Don't think about Chili's Awesome Blossom fried onion appetizer. Really, don't. It's a heart attack on a plate. Don't try to order one after church today. Because you can't. They don't exist. Chili's took them off the menu because they weren't cost-effective. But now you're thinking about one. You're imagining something you can never have.

True story. A friend's father was dropping her off at high school one day. Looking at the kids, he said, "You can date any boy in the school you want. Except that one."

30 years later, they have 3 kids and are blissfully happy. Would she have thought of that boy if her father hadn't planted the idea in a Don't? (Or was her dad smarter than she ever imagined? Hmmm.)

It's called Ironic Process Theory. IPT. You can't tell someone "Don't" without planting the idea in their head. That's the limitation of the Don't. The don't becomes a brain virus. It's why the Bible switches to Plan B, the relationship anti-don't.

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Jesus is the new beginning of a new relationship. Jesus is the start of a new covenant relationship, a New Testament from God. God sends Jesus to turn the Bible's don'ts upside down.

In the old marriage covenant with people, God had a relationship based on restraint. Don't, don't, don't. In the new covenant relationship through Jesus, God sets us free. Jesus liberates us. Jesus frees us to live positively - positively in relationship with God, positively in relationship with our families, in relationship with our loves, even in relationship with the people we hate.

Instead of, "Don't associate with bad people," Jesus says radical, amazing, crazy things like,
Love your enemies.
Turn the other cheek.
Go the extra mile.
Pray for those who persecute you.

Which leads us to today's scripture, in which the Apostle Paul says, (quote) "In your relationships [note that: relationships] with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus...." (unquote)

Be of the mind of Christ.

Ladies and gentlemen: Plan B.

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To really appreciate the radical nature of Paul's short letter to the Philippians, it helps to know a couple of things.

First, the letter was written to the church in Philippi, around the year 60AD. So this is a completely new enterprise.

Second, Philippi was a city in Greece. Not a city in Israel. Not a city with a Jewish background. Not a group of people who knew very much at all about the history of the "Old" Testament.

So, the church in Philippi was totally new to this kind of thing. In fact, they were so new, they didn't even know they were Christians. They knew they were followers of Jesus. But the fancy name, "Christians," hadn't even been invented yet.

God bless 'em, they didn't even know if they were Presbyterian, or Baptist, or Primitive Apostolic Pentecostals.

So, if you were, say, a parent, or a teacher, or a leader in a church organization, like, say, an Apostle -
and if you didn't want these sweet little baby people who didn't even know what they were yet to get off on the wrong foot, you'd probably want to give them a very protective list of Don'ts. For their own good. Don'ts that would guard their relationships.

But that's not Paul's style. Paul sends them the anti-don't. He tells them not to guard their relationships, but to guide them in the mind and spirit of Christ. And these are words that even fancy, grown-up church experts like us need to remember.

Paul says,

Therefore - if you have any encouragement from being united [that is, in relationship] with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded...

Now, sometimes people, especially people in church, stop reading right there. They say, "See? The Bible says we're supposed to be like-minded." And the subtext is always something like, "So stop being such a pain in MY neck."

But not just in church. You know people who are only happy if everyone agrees with them on everything. Maybe that's the way you roll. Good luck with that. Good luck with that if you choose to have relationships with real, live people. Forced lockstep mind control rarely plays well with others.

Paul says,

make my joy complete, by being like-minded...
[in that]
your relationships with one another have the same mindset as Christ Jesus....

Not the same thinking as each other. Not the same implanted thoughts. But instead, the same guidance of mind, the same direction of thoughts, the same flow of feeling as Jesus.

Instead of saying, guard your relationships with don'ts, Pauls says, guide your relationships by the measure of Christ Jesus. It's a whole new direction, it's a whole new plan, it's a whole new kind of covenant.

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Which brings us back to where we started:
Your relationships.
Your mindset
when YOU engage people in your circles.
Are your relationships commanded by Don'ts?
Are your relationships restricted by the fear the people will get out of line?
Are they ordered by Don'ts which, ironically, even God knows don't work that well in the long-term?

Or are you open to Plan B?

Let's put it this way. If someone were making a covenant with you, which way would you prefer?
The Don'ts?
Or the Anti-don'ts?

Seriously - aren't relationships hard enough already? (Even the good ones?) Aren't relationships hard enough already? Without the burden? And without the fear, of yesterday's, old, broken covenants?

Jesus, in his relationship, as he goes to the cross, doesn't command anybody to do anything. Jesus, in his relationship, with you, as he goes to the cross, doesn't stand up and yell, "Don't you do this to me!"
He tells his followers, "Do this, in remembrance of me."
And do this, in remembrance of me.
And, do this, if you want people to remember me.
That's the kind of relationship Jesus wants to have with you.
That's the kind of relationship Jesus wants you to have with everyone around you.
Not just the nice people.
But all.

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Paul ends his brief letter to a little church of people doing their best to keep covenant with each other and with God by saying this:

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. [Be guided by them.]

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.